And the horoscope says...?

Growing up a Hindu, my husband believes in the study of stars and horocopes.  As a Christian, I am taught not to spend time reading it or believing what people have to say about my future or past.

When we were dating, my family was concerned that he was not as educated as I was because I was working on my masters degree (and still am), and he only had his bachelors.  In our community, education is very important!  It's not about what you know, its all about how many degrees you have to prove you know something.  His family was concerned that I was making more money than he was, and that would inflate my ego and ruin our marriage. Again, the social realm we are from is founded on the very principle that the woman will be a step lower than her husband on all aspects of life.  Having a wife that was bringing home more money, or was more educated meant the family dynamics would be out of balance.

None of this phased us because our God, our commitment and our willingness to survive all odds did not allow for educational degrees and monthly paychecks  to rot the mere basis of our very existence together.  

So that's the background for today's story....

Every once in awhile during our play fights I like to remind him that I'm more educated than he is.  blah blah blah.  So this particular fight, my man decides to point out that as per his horoscope it says he would marry an educated girl, but not a knowledgeable one.  (Since the phrase was in our language, there will be some loss of meaning and humor with the translation.)  

One would associate education to knowledge. The more educated a person, the more well rounded, smart and wise he/she is considered to be.  I have a bachelors and currently working on my masters, yet sometimes I wonder about myself!!!   There are moments when I sound like a genius, and other times where it's clear I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed. My marine, on the other hand, knows a little bit about everything under the sky.  If he doesn't have an answer for you, he will make sure to read up on the topic and be prepared for a discussion next time.

I am a Computer Science major, and my husband has got a degree in Business Administration, yet I am the one that tried to print wireless from my laptop when I did not have a printer with wireless functionality.  I am also the person that had a discussion with my husband about H1N1 virus without realizing (until he, so very humbly, pointed out) that I kept refering to the virus as N1V1.  The stories are many, and I dont wish to allow you some free entertainment on my behalf!! 

For a person who is raised to question horoscopes and predictions, my own behavior and random out pouring of wisdom makes me want to believe in what the astrologers have said.  Maybe they just got lucky this time around.

My marine's horoscope may be true, I am curious to know what mine would say about him......

=)

The Wise Mrs. Sgt. P

The Dream Team

My husband's a hard core Marine, both at work and at home.  If you have been following my posts, you would already know I lovingly call him a prick. =)  He's as tough as they get, both inside and out.  But right when I KNOW I have figured him out...he throws me a curve ball.

So this week I had a sneak peek into a possible college dream.  Not sure if that dream is meant to come true, but it was very exciting to live it even for a day.  But what touched me the most about the whole ordeal was my husband's attitude towards the whole thing.


I had to go into NYC for an interview earlier this week.  I remember wanting a job in the city as a college student, and somewhere along the years the desire was suppressed due to other opportunities. My husband is the only person in my life that constantly encourages me to dream big, live life to the fullest, and to be all that I can be (be who God intended for me to be). So just the idea of taking a train into the city dressed in a suit had its own appeal that words cannot express. Even though I know my husband to be a sweetheart deep deep down...the icing on the cake (let's say a chocolate fudge cake with chocolate icing) this eventful day really was my man's support.  He woke up early so he could drop me off at the train station before work. He even stopped me to pose for a picture before I walked out the door. All the way to the station he told me how great I was going to be and how beautiful I looked. I did not have any butterflies in my tummy going into the interview because I knew my man believed in me. When I thanked him for being such a wonderful husband, he looked at me and said "if I dont support your dreams, then who would? And how would we be the dream team if we dont follow our dreams" (or something along those lines....I am just relaying to you what I heard him say. Ha!)

I truly am very blessed.  Moments like that...the simplicity, the support, the sincerity, the honesty, and the love in my Marine is what I need to remind myself when we disagree with each other, or when he's not around.    My Boo-Boo loves me unconditionally and more!
I am pretty sure most family members are still not convinced we are meant to be.  If they were a fly in our home for even a second they would see that this crazy marine wife is living a beautiful life.  We truly are a dream team.

I took a chance on love by falling in love with a Marine that I met over the internet.  I stepped out in faith convinced that God was pulling us together even when our families were pulling us apart.  And today I know no matter what life throws at me, I will be good to go because I have my God leading the way and my Marine watching my back. =)

Our dream team consists of three. And together we make our every dream come true!
Do you have a dream team?

Mrs. Sgt. P.

How to Deal...?

Imagine a world so perfect...where all the elements of life fuse together in harmony. Now imagine your life. How perfect is your world?  Even with all the heartaches, stress and uncertainties that surround us, we have learned to accept them and integrate them as part of our perfect world.

I know my world is perfect. By God's grace we both have jobs and live a fabulous life.  We have tons of pets at home (a tank of Angel fish, a tank of Gold fish, two Turtles, three Guinea Pigs, and one Hamster). We rent an apartment that we call home. We have a car and an SUV. We have just enough people in our lives to love us unconditionally.  We have each other! And most importantly we have our God right smack in the middle of all this keeping it all in tact.  So even with all the bills, work related stress, random mood swings etc...our world is simply perfect.  When we focus on the important things that we cherish, everything else becomes so minor and nonexistent.

Just like a good frame is necessary to build a perfect house,  we all have building blocks (things we value) to make ourselves a "perfect" world.  Yet, with all the uncertainties that surround us, it's amazing how we take so much for granted. How are we to deal when a wave of uncertainty comes crashing down on our building blocks?

I write this with the utmost humility and even a moment of vulnerability and weakness.  I am one of those that forget to count my blessings when my life is going as I desire.  A couple of weeks ago I was reminded the fact that my life, as I know it, had so many areas that were beyond my control.  I admit it was quite overwhelming! The thought of possibly losing a building block, meant that some of the other blocks might shake or maybe even fall!!!  It has forced me to reevaluate my priorities, and the amount of importance I give to my so called building blocks.  A few days of being distracted  and annoyed has helped me conclude that the only perfect thing in my life is God. That's the building block that will never be shaken even if the others are out of place.  Everything else will come and go.  We are to make the most of the time we have with our loved ones, including our pets, cherish the precious moments in our home,cars, and even at work because all those things can disappear one day as well.  And the various burden that constantly surround us are simply to balance the equilibrium in our life and keep us real.

Do you find yourself struggling to deal with the uncertainties of life?  Are your struggles so much that you have forgotten to identify the 'building blocks' that would make your world perfect?  I hope what I have come to realize this past month will be something that can benefit you.  Life is too short for us to be disheveled with the unpredictable nature of circumstances that come our way.

The simple answer to the mind boggling question "How are we to deal?" is this:
When life serves you lemons, we gotta make yummylicious lemonade.


Mrs. Sgt. P.

How much longer?

In the Indian community there are two kinds of marriages, arranged marriage and love marriage.  Arranged marriage is one where the parents of the bride and groom initiate the relationship between the two families and allow their daughter or son to "agree" to be married.  The second being love marriage, where the crazy kids find their own mate sometimes having to twist their parents arms to agree to be supportive of the relationship, and other times doing their own thing without the parents in the picture.

The touch of extra ordinary in our magical wedding was the very fact that it was a love marriage.  My parents agreed to be a part of our lives together a bit before the wedding, while his parents kept their distance for almost a year.  Everyone was hurt in their own ways...mostly because the crack in the false sense of expectations and pride built over the years.
One of the biggest difference between my husband and I is that he doesnt expect anything from anybody, nor does he live to fulfill anyones expectations.  Me, on the other hand, run around trying to please everyone, and want people to be happy with what i do with my life. 

So a week before our first wedding anniversary, we were invited to my husband's parents house for Thanksgiving dinner. My first time in that house as a daughter-in-law.  It was nerve wracking and my stomach was in a knot the whooole time.  But that day was an answered prayer for my mother, for my mother-in-law and for me.

Here's what I have learned from all this.
1. There are two kinds of 'waitng period'.  One, when God wants us to wait for the perfect outcome. And two, humans in their uttmost stubborness keeps us waiting for the right time.  Either way, it takes a lot of patience, perserverance and prayer to survive the wait.

2. Depending on the circumstances and your attitude towards the people in question, you will either have the will power to hold on as long as needed hoping for change or your weary heart will force your mind to walk away.

3. We dictate who gets to be a part of our life, and who gets to miss out on it.  In the fast pace environment we live in, we can't afford to wait around for someone who doesn't reciprocate the unspoken vows in that relationship.

I will confess, I have walked away from individuals in my life because they let their own emotions get in the way of my loyalty and love for them.  As they take/took the time to heal their own wounds, they forget/forgot about my feelings of standing in the dark waiting for them to come around.  The more I analyzed such a  relationsihp, I realized it was always a one way street and the pattern repeated itself over and over.....I just chose to close my eyes to it because I loved them too much. And I didnt want to say anything because the truth almost always hurts!!  I am quick to forgive and move on, but there's only so much one can expect of me. I am human after all!   One thing I know for sure, when they do decide to come back into my life they will be accepted, but will have a lot to prove before I trust them blindly like I once used to.....and I believe that's only fair.

But with my new set of parents, it was different.  I understood their hurt was legit, and I was ready to wait however long it took for the sake of our future family.  It wasn't a God enforced wait, but when it was all sorted out, it was like a God driven unity. 
It is important to me that we live in harmony with our parents, and siblings.  Grandparents, Uncles and Aunts are the most important people in a child's life after the parents. Who else will spoil them with lots of gifts and get them out of time outs. =)
I guess my heart could have gotten tired of waiting around for my in-laws to accept me, but I know deep down my mother-in-law didnt allow for it by constantly checking up on me and telling me how stubborn my dad-in-law can get.  And then I had my mother on the other end reminding me that it was ok and in time everything would be good.  We were all praying for it and our God answers prayers in His time.  I know God used both my mothers as angels to constantly keep a check on me. 
Do I love my parents-in-law whole heartedly? Absolutely.  Do I remind myself every once in awhile the things they have said or done the past few years? Rightfully so, but in the bigger picture of things it has quickly become so irrelevant.  Yet I need to take a peek at my past in order to be smart about my future.

Do you find yourself in a relationship where you are kept "on hold" because the respective person/people  need time to adjust to the changes?  If so the questions you need to ask yourself are the following:
1. Why am I put on a hold? 
2. Do you classify it as a Godly wait, or a human wait?
3. Have I taken the necessary steps to work it out?
4. Am I ready to take the necessary steps to work it out?
5. How important is this person/situation to you?
6. History repeats itself, do you see similar patterns in your past?
7. What outcome do you forsee from waiting?

We all take different paths in life, and we all have a variety of relationships in our life.  What works for me, might not work for you.  But the common theme in a road bump such as this is the mentality that we WILL move on!  Our world doesnt and shouldnt come to a halt because of the people in our lives. 
We let them choose to be a part of our journey through life, or standby on the sidewalk wondering how far we have gotten, and how well we are enjoying our life.  It is ultimately their choice to love us for who we are and not on what we do for them.  =) 
How much longer are you willing to wait for a friend or a family member to come to their senses?  Do you have what it takes to over look the past in order to built a better future with those individuals?


Mrs. Sgt. P.

The Hammer and the Nail

My brother and I had a very interesting conversation one day about the different personalities of the men in our lives and he used an interesting analogy.  There are three types of men.  The "Hammers", the "Nails", and the "Nails who think they are Hammers".

A hammer is considered to be strong and powerful.  There are two faces to a hammer - one that provides immediate direction and guidance through thick and thin, the other face allows for second chances, using rigid edges to pull the nail out of "the hard spots" for redirection.  It does not take orders from the nail, but is humbled by a power superior and mightier than itself.  It is a blind leader.  Then there is the nail.  The nail is weaker of the two. It would rather be given a direction than decide on its own where to go or what to do.  The nail cannot and will not stand up against the hammer, but instead adheres to every command. Even though it is built with metal, it does not realize its own strength. It is a blind follower.


In human terms, firstly we have "Hammers". Strong willed, authoritative, disciplined...they are born leaders. Some are arrogant, and mean spirited, using their traits as a form of dictatorship focusing only on themselves and their well being.  Others are positive and uplifting, constantly encouraging the weak to rise to success.   Hammers set the rules and expect them to be followed. They are more comfortable running their own show, following their own dreams and living life to the fullest.  Purely alpha-male by nature, they deal negatively to too much outside influence.  Most of the time, they are wise enough to understand the people around them and provide a constant source of inner strength to live out one's true calling in life.  Although tough, most people with "Hammer" tendencies are sensitive to the needs of others around them, specially the ones feeding off their energy. 

Then we have the "Nails", relatively weaker individuals that give in to authority quickly. They have visions and dreams, but allow it to be directed by people of value in their lives. They are followers at heart, and sometimes get confused between influences from God versus man.  They have strength like no other, but is unnoticed by themselves and the people around them. Nails are not wired to be Hammers, yet they have potential to be Hammer-like in their decision making and presence. Though strong willed and hard headed when needed, they prefer to blen in to the community and society that surround them.  A person with nail-like traits will flourish and grow immensely with positive hammer influence. On the other hand, when met with arrogance and constant negative vibes, the nail will find comfort hiding from and relying on their own abilities to succeed, thus hindering their chances to fulfill their calling in life.

And thirdly we have "Nails who THINK they are Hammers". These are men that talk like hammers and act like nails.  They have so many plans of being authoritative and successful leaders, yet they end up giving into the pressures of the world/people around them.  Their hammer-like tendencies only arise when pushed over the edge, while their nail-like tendencies are used to escape everyday reality. They talk the talk but have a tough time walking the walk.  When paired up with a nail, the two will make an ordinary couple going through the motions of an ordinary life.

My Mairne is definitely a Hammer.  Being married to one, I find myself categorizing most men unconsciously as  Hammer, Nail and Confused. =)  I have to constantly remind myself that we are all creations of God and we are all created as perfect in God's eyes. 
There are pros and cons to being married to a Hammer, and I know for a fact not all women are wired to put up with it.  My world is peaceful because most people choose to keep a distance from my Marine.  They know not to mess with him, and the ones that do tend to learn a hard lesson.  At first it was difficult to survive the rules at home, but once I took the time to understand the reasons behind them my life started to change.  The rules are simple. It provides security, structure, discipline, boundary and lots of room for growth.
A Nail by nature, I am very proud to be married to a Hammer.  Life as I know it, is simply beautiful and filled with love. I can honestly admit that I too am living life to the fullest and enjoying every bit of God's blessing in the process.

So here are a few thought provoking questions for men/women reading this blog - What kind of a person are you?  What kind of a man/woman are you looking for? What kind of a man/woman are you married to?


Mrs. Sgt. P.