The touch of extra ordinary in our magical wedding was the very fact that it was a love marriage. My parents agreed to be a part of our lives together a bit before the wedding, while his parents kept their distance for almost a year. Everyone was hurt in their own ways...mostly because the crack in the false sense of expectations and pride built over the years.
One of the biggest difference between my husband and I is that he doesnt expect anything from anybody, nor does he live to fulfill anyones expectations. Me, on the other hand, run around trying to please everyone, and want people to be happy with what i do with my life.
So a week before our first wedding anniversary, we were invited to my husband's parents house for Thanksgiving dinner. My first time in that house as a daughter-in-law. It was nerve wracking and my stomach was in a knot the whooole time. But that day was an answered prayer for my mother, for my mother-in-law and for me.
Here's what I have learned from all this.
1. There are two kinds of 'waitng period'. One, when God wants us to wait for the perfect outcome. And two, humans in their uttmost stubborness keeps us waiting for the right time. Either way, it takes a lot of patience, perserverance and prayer to survive the wait.
2. Depending on the circumstances and your attitude towards the people in question, you will either have the will power to hold on as long as needed hoping for change or your weary heart will force your mind to walk away.
3. We dictate who gets to be a part of our life, and who gets to miss out on it. In the fast pace environment we live in, we can't afford to wait around for someone who doesn't reciprocate the unspoken vows in that relationship.
I will confess, I have walked away from individuals in my life because they let their own emotions get in the way of my loyalty and love for them. As they take/took the time to heal their own wounds, they forget/forgot about my feelings of standing in the dark waiting for them to come around. The more I analyzed such a relationsihp, I realized it was always a one way street and the pattern repeated itself over and over.....I just chose to close my eyes to it because I loved them too much. And I didnt want to say anything because the truth almost always hurts!! I am quick to forgive and move on, but there's only so much one can expect of me. I am human after all! One thing I know for sure, when they do decide to come back into my life they will be accepted, but will have a lot to prove before I trust them blindly like I once used to.....and I believe that's only fair.
But with my new set of parents, it was different. I understood their hurt was legit, and I was ready to wait however long it took for the sake of our future family. It wasn't a God enforced wait, but when it was all sorted out, it was like a God driven unity.
It is important to me that we live in harmony with our parents, and siblings. Grandparents, Uncles and Aunts are the most important people in a child's life after the parents. Who else will spoil them with lots of gifts and get them out of time outs. =)
I guess my heart could have gotten tired of waiting around for my in-laws to accept me, but I know deep down my mother-in-law didnt allow for it by constantly checking up on me and telling me how stubborn my dad-in-law can get. And then I had my mother on the other end reminding me that it was ok and in time everything would be good. We were all praying for it and our God answers prayers in His time. I know God used both my mothers as angels to constantly keep a check on me.
Do I love my parents-in-law whole heartedly? Absolutely. Do I remind myself every once in awhile the things they have said or done the past few years? Rightfully so, but in the bigger picture of things it has quickly become so irrelevant. Yet I need to take a peek at my past in order to be smart about my future.
Do you find yourself in a relationship where you are kept "on hold" because the respective person/people need time to adjust to the changes? If so the questions you need to ask yourself are the following:
1. Why am I put on a hold?
2. Do you classify it as a Godly wait, or a human wait?
3. Have I taken the necessary steps to work it out?
4. Am I ready to take the necessary steps to work it out?
5. How important is this person/situation to you?
6. History repeats itself, do you see similar patterns in your past?
7. What outcome do you forsee from waiting?
We all take different paths in life, and we all have a variety of relationships in our life. What works for me, might not work for you. But the common theme in a road bump such as this is the mentality that we WILL move on! Our world doesnt and shouldnt come to a halt because of the people in our lives.
We let them choose to be a part of our journey through life, or standby on the sidewalk wondering how far we have gotten, and how well we are enjoying our life. It is ultimately their choice to love us for who we are and not on what we do for them. =)
How much longer are you willing to wait for a friend or a family member to come to their senses? Do you have what it takes to over look the past in order to built a better future with those individuals?
Mrs. Sgt. P.
